dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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