OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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