is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
