She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
