You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
