You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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