I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
