is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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