Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
