dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
