why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
