I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
