is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize