he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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