you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
