you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
