so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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