you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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