Only a mothe r could love this liver
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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