he thought i was a dude.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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