The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
