He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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