She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
