She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
