Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's intense
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
