Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
