tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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