You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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