i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
