did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize