I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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