I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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