you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
