WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize