What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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