My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
