i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
