I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
