Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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