I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
