i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
