Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
