Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize