I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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