True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
