He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
