I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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