i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
