like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
