I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
