Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
