i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
