Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
