You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I understand Curling. That high.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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