1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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