i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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