i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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