i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
