dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
