hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
