I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
