Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
