Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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