I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
