So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
