I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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