i will never coherently bang her
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize