Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
