my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
