Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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