So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
