Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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