Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
