I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I've blown a few things in my day
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
