pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
there was a trapeze. enough said
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize