soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
