batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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