She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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