I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Jerry, you need to find god
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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