Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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