He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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