I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize