I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
