You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Someone came in the potted fern
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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