I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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