I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
