I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
