Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You ruined the universe
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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