i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
