Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
