we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
