I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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