the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
