he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
